>Jump up and down on the second second floor.
You jump up and down on the new second floor. Due to the now-unstable foundation, this results in the entire temple tilting a few degrees.
>Build the third floor,and another third floor,and the third third floor.
You take more material from the first floor walls and use it to build an additional three third floors. The temple has now taken on a vaguely top-like shape. A sudden gust of wind sends the temple spinning away, flinging you off in the opposite direction. You land in a jungle.
>pretend you are pacman
For no particular reason, you pretend that I, the narrator, am Pac-Man. The only effect this has is that you imagine various sound effects while I narrate, which has no bearing on your adventure at all. Another successful act of pointlessness!
>swing on vines
You swing on vines, without actually going anywhere as it’s more pointless that way.
>Find a hidden civilization and become its new god of pointlessness
You find a hidden civilization and announce you’re the God of Pointlessness. You then start to worship the citizens, because it’s pointless for a god to do that. This disturbs them so much that they kick you out and hide their civilization better so you can’t find it again.
>call dragon fogel just dragon
You are smote with a large fish from out of nowhere, which disappears shortly after. For reasons known only to yourself (which, knowing you, probably means they don’t actually exist), you think Pac-Man is somehow responsible.
(Author’s Note: For some time, I’ve had a joke where the punishment for calling me “Dragon” is whacking the offender with a large fish. I’m not explaining the Pac-Man joke; if you don’t already get it, you will by the end of this.)
>scream “zombies, zombies”
You scream “zombies, zombies!” Which is quite pointless, as there are no zombies, and as far as you can see, nobody to warn even if there were zombies.
>Design plans to make a car out of wood and other materials around. Then sever a couple trees and proceed to build a replica of the original temple.
You draw plans for a car made out of wood in the ground, then proceed to pointlessly not make a car. You then start trying to gather wood to make a replica temple, but you pass out from your attempts to knock over trees by headbutting them while ignoring the conveniently-placed axe.
(>NEXT)
When you come to, you discover yourself tied up on an altar. The chief of the hidden civilization walks up to you and tells you what’s going on. It seems that upon further reflection, the hidden civilization has decided to worship you as the God of Pointlessness after all, and they’ve decided that the most appropriate form of worship for such a god is to sacrifice you to yourself. (You’re quite proud of them for thinking of it.) They have prepared an elaborate ceremony for the sacrifice, which is set to begin at midnight. The chief tells you that it’s pointless to attempt an escape; of course, now that he’s said that, you have no choice but to escape.
>bargain with chief
The chief is too busy making preparations for the sacrifice to talk to you any further. Apparently it’s set to begin in only ten minutes. It’s probably just as well – the way you bargain, you’d end up giving away all your possessions in exchange for staying right where you are.
>run to the hills
The bonds holding you are too flimsy. If you try to do that, they might break. Under the circumstances, that concern is much too pointless to ignore. No, you’ll have to come up with a more pointless way to escape. Perhaps some pointless action you performed before can help you – after all, you see no reason why that should be the case.
>Speak in strange tongues.
You speak in strange tongues. They’re so strange, in fact, that as far as you know nobody actually speaks them. Your captors are no exception to this rule.
>make small figurines representing self in wet sand (and) sell them as souvenirs
You can’t reach your inventory while tied up, and the bonds are so flimsy that it’s more pointless not to even try.
>Do the least pointless thing possible, as it would be pointless for Nopor to do something that’s not pointless.
You can’t just do that. If you’re going to pointlessly undermine your goal of pointlessness, you have to do it in a way that’s still fundamentally pointless.
>Tie himself up correctly then try to reach inventory for wet sand
You ask a guard if they can tie you up with sturdier materials, but he either doesn’t hear you or is ignoring you. And you can’t see anything sturdier yourself. Admittedly, the direction you’re looking in doesn’t give you a great view of the area, but there’s no point in restricting your field of view under the circumstances, so you’ll have to do that. It seems the only option left to you, at least according to your own pointless rules, is to say something pointless that will somehow convince them to let you go.
>scream “Ice cream! Ice cream!”
You scream “Ice cream! Ice cream!” for no particular reason. The natives take no notice. Perhaps they’re lactose-intolerant.
>demand to have a lawyer appointed to his case
A native with a crude briefcase made of leaves and wood walks up to you and explains that sacrifice is not considered a punishment, but an honor, and as such outside the jurisdiction of the local courts. He then walks away.
>Explain to them that Gods of pointlessness require sacrifices to be as pointless as possible. And that this one isn’t pointless enough.
The chief walks over to you and states that it is quite pointless to proceed with a ceremony over the objections of the god the sacrifice is in honor of, and therefore this is perfectly appropriate. Besides, they absolutely must have the sacrifice ready at midnight tonight, or they will suffer various plagues and curses. Granted, you never said anything about that, but that merely means it’s pointless to assume it. He then returns to the preparations.
>Explain that sacrificing the God of Pointlessness for that being pointless is actually very appropiate, not pointless. The pointless way of action for a God of Pointlessness would be sacrificing animals and vegetables in a traditional manner.
The chief seems to not find this a significantly different argument from the previous one. He praises your holy pointlessness in repeating it, but it doesn’t seem to change his mind.
>attempt to do the rumba
You very pointlessly attempt to do the rumba while not moving enough to break your flimsy bonds.
>eat bonds
You start nibbling at your bonds, which are evidently made from an edible jungle vine. It actually tastes quite good. This means there’s no point in stopping, so you do.
>vomit
You attempt to vomit, but you can’t manage it. And your nibbling has made your bonds even looser, so you have to try harder to meet your pointless criterion of not breaking them.
>scream ‘influenza’
You scream “Influenza”. The chief says that, as far as he knows the God of Pointlessness will still accept a sick sacrifice, and he has no reason not to verify that, so in honor of the God of Pointlessness, he won’t. He repeats that it is *very* important that the sacrificial ceremony take place at midnight, otherwise chaos will ensue. Yes, if they somehow missed sacrificing you at midnight, there’d be trouble.
>Stall for time.
You start trying to stall for time in a pointless manner – something you’re *very* good at – but the chief stops you and says that he’ll see to it that the ceremony starts at the stroke of midnight no matter what you do. He laughs and says you’d have to find a way to bypass midnight entirely to prevent the ceremony.
>bypass midnight entirely
You declare that you’re bypassing midnight entirely, but they don’t seem to take your declaration seriously. Perhaps you need a more detailed explanation.
>Explain that bypassing midnight would be the most pointless thing for them to possibly do on this night.
They pointlessly ignore your explanation. Perhaps you need to take a different approach.
>Observe daylight savings time again.
You inform the natives that you’re observing Daylight Savings Time. Since you’re the God of Pointlessness, that means as far as *he’s* concerned, it’s after midnight. Which means they’re nearly an hour late. This news sends everyone into a panic, as plagues and disasters may already be upon them and they just haven’t noticed yet. You join in the panic, having no reason to, and break free from your flimsy bonds, running around randomly (and pointlessly). Your random running somehow leads you out of the village and into the middle of a vast desert. You see no sign of any jungle, sea, temple, or anything else.