>Soak yourself in the water on the right of the room.
Yes, immersing yourself in water in a frozen temple is definitely pointless.
Wait… This is enchanted healing water! Apparently, enchanted healing water doesn’t freeze. Your wounds are healed.
Your Point Meter has gone up by 1.
>Break down the doors as you go into the next room
Excellent idea! The doors are already open, so attempting to enter by breaking them down will be pointless!
Your attempt does not harm the doors at all, and instead sends you hurling into the next room.
>Lick a boulder and probably get your tongue stuck doing so.
What a pointless thing to do!
Wait a minute! This boulder is made of delicious ice cream, and your tongue isn’t getting stuck to it! This isn’t pointless after all, so you stop.
>Realize that following your future self’s advice would serve a point, thus you should travel back in time without a time machine.
What do you mean? You would never advise yourself to do something that would serve a point.
But that means you have no reason to believe you would do so! So you do believe that, so you decide it would be pointless to ignore your future self’s advice and travel back in time after all!
And now that you’ve decided to travel back in time, it’s more pointless to do so without finding a time machine at all.
Somehow, this actually works. You have now gone back in time to one year before you opened the secret door.
The doors leading back the way you came are securely closed now.
> Warm random, non-contiguous sections of the floor of this room by rubbing them vigorously. The net effect this will have on the total warmth of the floor, much less the room, is miniscule, and your hand will become cold, numb, and painful relatively quickly.
You proceed to do this at once.
Wait… This floor is very soft, and hardly feels cold at all! Your hands are very comfortable with this procedure. You’d better stop.
> Do the same with your tongue, as it’s likely to become frozen to the floor, leaving you immobile in a terribly uncomfortable position.
The floor also tastes delicious, and your tongue stubbornly refuses to get stuck to it.
So instead, you just decide to stay in a terribly uncomfortable position that you can get out of at any time.
>Pointlessly disguise yourselves as each other, but with beards.
You pointlessly disguise yourself as Whatever with a beard, except you pointlessly leave out the beard.
Whatever, on the other hand, randomly disguises himself as you with a beard. Because he does things randomly, rather than pointlessly. The beard is blue, because it’s more random that way.
You then pointlessly disguise yourself as Nopor Puss, and Whatever randomly disguises himself as Whatever.
>Now that you’ve successfully cleared the way forward to the North, it would be far too useful and objective to actually go that way.
This is correct. Of course, you’ve already gone through the door, so it’s a bit late to be thinking about the pointlessness of doing so. Which means thinking about it is pointless, so you continue to do so.
>When you’re done messing around in this room, head out the South exit by slithering like a snake.
This is especially pointless now that the doors are closed. You are unable to leave.
>Read Dominic Deegan in its entirety forwards. This should be very pointless, as nothing in the area should have that written on it, and there should be no reason to expect this action to teleport you back to France, where it would be pointless to return to anyway.
You do so. Nothing happens. Just as you hoped, this was a completely pointless exercise!
>Announce loudly to the fountain that you have always admired it, then propose to it. Someone will have to accept eventually.
You yell your proposal to the fountain in the other room.
It doesn’t respond. This surprises you, because you were expecting it to respond. After all, you had no reason to.
>propose to futre/past self.
You’re pretty sure you don’t have any future or past selves in this temple at this point in time.
So it’s pointless to propose to them, as they aren’t there!
>Genital mutilation No, do genital mutilation
You pick a flower which is growing in a far corner of the room.
>Wait. For an entire year.
Yes, doing absolutely nothing for an entire year is quite pointless! You do so!
A year later, the door opens.
Some time later than that, your past selves come in.
But they travel back in time before noticing you.
> say : “this sentence is a lie”
You do.
The Lesser Paradox Beast does not appear. Instead, a note appears.
The note says: “The funds from selling this vomit-covered bagel cake will cover an unspecified number of paradoxes from you in the future, so we won’t be bothering you for a while.”
You unsuccessfully attempt to ingest the Lesser Paradox Beast anyways. You fail to do so, as it is not here.
> ponder burning the comm tower as it clearly traveled back in time with you so attempting to burn it would have failed. thus rendering the whole thing as pointless.
You ponder this, and head back to the other room where the comm tower was, in a pointless to attempt to burn it when it’s not there.
Lacking any means of setting something on fire, you fail anyways. How pointless!
> realise there would be great point in advancing through the dungeon already, and so push a dragon statue in front of the doorway to render this impossible.
Excellent idea! You begin pushing.
It seems the statue doesn’t appreciate this.
The statue comes to life and attacks!
>Lick the floor. All of it.
This is a very pointless way to respond to being attacked by a living ice dragon statue, so you do it.
The Ice Dragon statue freezes Whatever in a block of ice! You are fighting alone for now!
Author’s Note:
This page had by far the most reused images of any update in the adventure. It really took me a while to get the new ones put together.
For a start, the two images for “Lick a boulder” were originally the same one (the first one used).
Then, on the “warm the floor with your hands” suggestion, not only were both images originally the same, the two images for the next suggestion were also repeats. That was four of the same image in a row!
Next, the image on “Now that you’ve successfully gone through the door” was originally a repeat of the image just before the “Somehow, you have actually travelled back in time” text. This same image was repeated for the suggestion to read Dominic Deegan in its entirety forwards.
I wasn’t done with reusing this image, though, because I also used it for the second image on “propose to the fountain”, and the first image on the suggestion right after that. This was immediately followed up with a repeat of the first image of proposing to the fountain.
The next set of images made more sense: after the one-year wait, I just reused the images of Nopor Puss and Whatever entering the room and vanishing.
For the eleventh and final reused image of the update, Nopor Puss attempting to eat the Lesser Paradox Beast that wasn’t there originally repeated the image of him shouting “This sentence is a lie!”
That’s eleven. There are still a few repeats to go, but nowhere near as many as this update originally had.